Sunday, May 4, 2014

Just keep swimming...

Do you ever have those day (or weeks) where you feel so broken? Nothing seems to bring you comfort?
My heart broke once again, 5 days ago I lost my dear Abilene.
Abilene as a lamb-before I even picked her up.
Two years ago.
My beautiful ewe.
April 19th, She was showing signs of labor, but we had to leave so I figured she'd be fine...I was wrong.
12 hours later we arrive home and she's exhausted with no signs of a lamb. We made a late night emergency call to the vet and after spending 15 minutes working to situate the lamb, and then spending 8 minutes pulling with all her might, the vet informed us the lamb was dead and that it was to large to come out. She then told us that she needed to cut a leg off of the lamb in hopes that it would be able to come out and we wouldn't need to do an emergency c-section...thankfully it worked, but the labor was so hard on Abilene, she made it through the night, two days later I picked up more antibiotics and pain killers to help her....
After eleven days of giving it her all, I went out one morning to do chores to find Abilene had passed away...

She was the first animal I ever received as a Christmas gift, and she was my very first ewe. I had prepared myself to loose her those first few days, but when she was eating and walking around with her herd I thought she was going to make it...I hate to imagine if she was in any pain, so I'm happy she's at peace. I like to think she'd with Princess, Fubar, Baby, Isobel, and all my other loves that have passed, waiting for me to join them one day...
It's just so hard. This is our second year breeding the ewes and to already loose one is so very painful...and yet, I know this is what I want to do. All this pain and heart break is nothing compared to the joy and love I find in raising animals...I've discovered (after so many heartbreaks) that my motto for the following days is always, tomorrow will be easier.. I have found great peace and comfort praying and talking to God. I don't know what He has planned for me, but I know He's with me.

I am truly going to miss you my dear Abilene.
Gabrielle W. 
"The Lord directs the steps of a christian. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand." Psalms 37:23-24

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