Friday, January 28, 2011

Chaotic Thoughts

As I sit here; my room is a chaotic mess.
Laundry everywhere, trash spilling over the trash can, a house plant in desperate need of watering, my dresser covered in makeup, and my nightstand covered in books, paper, notebooks and trash.
Now, I don't know about you, but when I'm in an environment that's chaotic either with people or a mess; my mind is in a sort of chaos. I can't think straight and it's hard for me to sleep. When I'm in a chaotic mess, it's hard for me to breath, let alone, relax.
My dad has a job interview coming up the end of February; (please pray he gets it, he really needs a job), if he gets it, a lot will change.
When I think about it, my mind fills with chaos; my mind is still trying to work it all out. I know he doesn't have the job yet; but I'm optimistic, so I like thinking positive.
There are so many things in this world that fills my mind with chaotic thoughts. From simple things...How are we going to get more hay? The truck's broken... To more advance thoughts, like my dad getting this job.
When it comes to my family, friends or animals, my mind is always in a chaotic state. I am always worrying about them. For some people possessions are what's important. For me, as stated, it's family, friends and my animals.
(God forbid) if my house was on fire, I'd have to be held back to keep me from running inside to save my family, friends or animals. If my house was on fire I'd grab my dogs and cats nothing else, because everything else is replaceable for the most part. Now yes, I'd be really mad to loose all my journals (I've had one since I could write!) and all my pictures...but I can't think of anything else I'd be super mad at loosing.

My mind keeps thinking about needing a job, needing to get my licences, needing to do this, needing to do that, blah, blah, blah. Chaos. When I try to calm the thoughts; it creates more chaos.

So I pray. I ask God to help me. I may not even get down on my knees, I may not even stop feeding the animals; but if you tapped into my mind, you'd hear me praying with all my heart and soul.

My sister is taking the ACT next month and she's wigged out about it. So I pray for her.
My older brother is getting ready to head to Florida to get in underwater welding certification. So I pray for him.
My younger brother has to get a GED to go to the auto mechanic school. So I pray for him.
My youngest brother is 15 and in the woe as me stage. So I pray for him.
My best friend is getting married in 2012. So I pray for her.
My best friends sister is getting married (^yes it's her) and she'll be the only kid left at home. So I pray for her.
I pray for my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my granny. I pray for a wronged uncle, I pray for my cousins, my aunts and my uncles. I pray our gardens will grow come spring; I pray our animals will be healthy, I pray our pastures will grow thick and lush. I pray that God protects my loved ones....I tend to pray for everyone but me.
I still have trouble feeling worthy of asking something of God. I know that's silly, but I've never been a self centered person. I've always been that type of person. Saving every penny so I can buy that item someone else desperately wants.
Ha, ha, I told you; my thoughts are chaotic right now. Normally I go walking/jogging and by the time I've walked/jogged thirty minutes, I have things sorted out. But in winter time; I can't really do either. I try and all I end up thinking is about the cold, or about how much needs to get done outside....if I break it down, most of my chaotic thoughts are fears.....fears I'll loose my family, my friends or animals. Fears I'll have to move from my farm into an apartment; fear I'll loose my friends; fears I'll have to sell my baby's...

*The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. ~Psalm 27: 1, 3

*The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. ~Psalm 9:9-10

*My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. ~Exodus 33:14

*I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. ~Psalm 34:4

Be at peace, have no fears, pray everyday, and God Bless.
Gabrielle W.
"The Lord directs the steps of a christian. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand." Psalms 37:23-24

2 comments:

  1. Oh Dear Sweet Gabrielle!! My Soul Sister! I pray for you every day!!
    I too have been feeling unworthey of Gods Love and Forgiveness and Gifts. But I'm slowly growing to the thought that I will never be till the day I die!
    I'm praying for your Daddy. And Thank you for praying for me!!!
    I love you lots. See you Tuesday!!!

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  2. Thank you so much for praying for my dad! He's never had an easy life, always struggling to pay bills.
    But, my mom said the other day that, if we have to struggle to keep our hearts focused of God, so be it!

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